To the Weak, He is...

To the Weak, He is...

Kara Holmes
motherhood

Last week, I sat down with two therapists who were evaluating Alisa. "The good news," said one therapist, "is that she automatically qualifies for therapy. This evaluation is only a formality because of her disability." 

The good news.

Good news? It didn't feel like good news to me. I know in a sense this is a good news, because even though Alisa shows no signs of needing therapy at this moment, she will undoubtedly need it eventually. But good news? As a mom, I have to disagree. It certainly did not feel like good news.

To the Broken, the Lonely, the Grieving...He Speaks

Kara Holmes

The delicate pages crinkle beneath my clumsy fingers as I turn them. The sound of each page turning draws me inward to the story beckoning to be read. I breathe deeply the scent of leather and paper, the mixture of these smells filling my mind with memories of the countless times I have thumbed through these pages. My eyes fall upon the black letters. To some, they might seem to have no real value, just words on a page that tell a meaningless story. But to me, these words are life. They are sacred, they are ancient, and they are an invitation. To any that might dare tread upon deeper waters, these words draw us in to know the heart of God, the mind of Christ, the ways of the Spirit. “Taste and see that the Lord is good,” these words beckon.

When God Says No

Kara Holmes
When God Says No, motherhood

Over the past six or so months, many of you have followed along and even walked with us on a very painful and very personal journey. In the beginning of June, Trey and I chose to publicly share the newsthat our unborn daughter had screened positive for Down Syndrome earlier in my pregnancy. What began last March as an exciting and "normal" pregnancy rapidly turned into a high risk and unpredictable pregnancy as complications arose. I was eventually hospitalized for nine weeks in order to allow our daughter Alisa the greatest chance for growth, health, and a full-term stay in my womb.

The morning before my induction at 38 weeks, I sat for the last time alone in my hospital room on the antepartum floor. Later that day, our family would fly in to join us as we prepared to welcome Alisa into our arms. Trey would come that afternoon to stay with me for the rest of our time at the hospital. As I searched my heart and feelings, I found myself facing a question that had surfaced many times throughout my pregnancy:

What if God says no?

The Mustard Seed

Kara Holmes
When God Says No

"Do you have faith that this test could be wrong? Mustard seed faith. That's all it takes."

When Trey and I first received news that our unborn daughter had screened positive for Down Syndrome last May, my obstetrician referred us to a high risk doctor for a level 2 ultrasound. The appointment was scheduled for two weeks later, and during that wait, we experienced quite a range of emotions. We were steadfastly committed to this life the Lord had given us, but we also grieved the loss of that "normal life" and many dreams we had for our child. We learned what we could about Down Syndrome, and we saw many misconceptions fall away to the reality that it wasn't the end of the world as we knew it. We also researched about the NIPS screening test that had told us our daughter screened positive for Down Syndrome. We found hope that, while the diagnostic rate is high, it is not a 100% positive test that she will in fact have this disorder. There are cases of false positives.  

Holding Onto Water

Kara Holmes
When God Says No

"All three of us agree that you need to be admitted to the hospital today."

Trey and I sat quietly in the tiny sonogram room, listening to the nurse practitioner as she informed us that our MFM specialist and obstetrician agreed with her that conditions had developed to the point of needing continuous monitoring at the hosptial. A sense of numbness and shock came over me as events unfolded. Was this really happening? We received our instructions, gathered our belongings, and made the short drive over to the hospital.

As we walked into the hospital, several thoughts collided in my mind. Will they have to deliver Alisa early? How will Trey manage Kate and all the responsibilities at home? How will Kate do being away from me like this? How will I handle being away from my family? We arrived on the 7th floor to check in. 

"Hello, we were told to come over here..." Trey began.

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