Horrific.
Senseless.
Unimaginable.
How would you describe the acts of cruelty and depravity that occur day in and day out in our world?
The voice spoke out of nowhere, catching me completely off guard. I had been communicating with other moms on a private down syndrome support group when one mother's update on her newborn daughter, who also happens to have Down Syndrome, appeared on my screen: "We are now facing the possibility of leukemia." That ugly word stared me in the face, and I recalled reading earlier in my pregnancy that children with Down Syndrome are at an increased risk of developing leukemia. Yes, leukemia.
Leukemia? In a brand new baby? That hardly seems fair.
This morning the sun is rising on a beautiful day. I see its golden rays just touching the trees in our backyard. Birds sing and crickets chirp around me as I sit on our porch, considering the beauty and peace of a new day of life. All the while, what I am writing about this morning stands in stark contrast to this day. It is dark and heavy and ugly, and it steals life from those who bear it. But stay with me until the end because just as the night was chased away by the rising of the sun this morning, so I pray will you find the night chased away in your soul as the light of the Son shines at the end of this post.
My heart wrenched this past week when I watched the videos of two different Planned Parenthood executives discuss the selling of fetus body parts. I was joined by millions of other Americans who watched in horror as the videos unfolded. Honestly, just the reality that these body parts are "recycled" and used at all is horrendous enough, whether or not someone pays for them. I think of our 15 week sonogram with my daughter. When my high risk doctor placed the wand on my abdomen, the screen immediately lit up with her tiny body, kicking and moving in my womb. I watched those perfect little legs moving in motion like she was riding a bicycle, and I was undone with love. Then, I imagine that tiny body being ripped apart or suctioned out or whatever "non-crunchy" method might be used to dismember her, and I cannot go on. It makes me weak in the knees and sick to my stomach. My heart cannot bear the thought of such an end to life.
In Fall of 1992, America found herself in the midst of an intense political debate as the presidential elections drew closer. I was in elementary school at the time, but the highly charged debates and conversations I heard, both in person and on TV, made an impression on me. In particular, I remember an elementary school playground debate in which our PE teachers allowed students to voice opinions for who they thought should be elected next President of the United States. I cheered loudly and made up little rhymes for my "team," naturally following the position of my parents. At the same time, though, I remember feeling slightly torn as my then best friend, Abraham, cheered for the other side. His dad was a Texas Senator for the opposing political party, and I couldn't help but wonder how they could be such great people but still think "the other side" was right when it was clearly not.
It was my first introduction to the idea that controversial areas of life are not always black or white, right or wrong.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
A few weeks ago, Trey and I journeyed with our moms to the high risk doctor's office, where we would receive a level 2 anatomy ultrasound and an echocardiogram of our daughter's heart. With all of the prayer we had focused on this day in the weeks prior, we were hopeful in the Lord for good news. We were hopeful for a perfect ultrasound that indicated that her body is doing just fine, like a baby who is free from any chromosome abnormality.
If I can be completely transparent, I have wanted to close my eyes, plug my ears, and pretend nothing was out of the ordinary over this past weekend. I would honestly have liked nothing more than to gather my little family into the safety of our home, shelter my children from the chaos of the "outside world," and continue pursuing my dreams unhindered by world events and a changing political climate. It is not that I am unengaged in political and cultural happenings; I am just a tad overwhelmed. Historical and national decisions are being and have been made in our midst, directing the course of our nation gone astray, and I will confess, I am bit dizzy from all of the chatter.
I am among many of you who have wrestled deeply with our faith and how to live out our convictions in the climate of our ever-changing world. I could take your time now to articulate some of my thoughts, but I would rather not add more words to the many that are already out there. Others have adequately said what I believe. One of my favorite articles can be found here.