When Infertility Finds a Name

It was just seven years ago that I walked my days with an almost ever-present, searing pain in my heart. With many, many months of a silent womb to my name, the feelings of failure and barrenness had become familiar friends to my lonely days. At the time, I had no promise that I would ever bear children. I had no guarantee that Trey and I would see our desires become reality of having a home filled with the pitter-patter of many little feet. And the heartache was crushing.

How Could God... (Part 2)

When I was in college, I took a class one semester on religious cults. The class was fairly small, and I knew almost everyone in there. Except there was a new girl. I had never seen her before, and she was very different than what I was used to seeing in my school. She wore all black, sometimes with spikes on her clothes, and she had many piercings. But what made her really different, causing her to stand out so starkly amongst my classmates, was her anger. In our class on religion, it was very clear that she was angry at God.

At first, I chose to ignore her. She was different, and it is always easier to ignore different when it makes us uncomfortable. But as the semester wore on, the Lord kept bringing her to my mind. She sat alone day in and day out, and she needed a friend. He wanted me to be that person, so finally, I befriended her. What I learned has stayed with me ever since.

How Could God... (Part 1)

The other night, Trey and I were going through our nightly bedtime routine with our three children. He was managing our two kids, who are 3 and 5, while I was getting our youngest, who is 15 months, dressed for bed. After Trey tucked Justin into bed, I heard him instruct Kate, our oldest, to put on her pajamas and to brush her teeth. We had gotten in from church earlier that evening, so while Kate did as he instructed, Trey stepped outside to finish cleaning out the minivan from our day’s activities. 

We have a small ranch-style house, and all three bedrooms are on the same hallway. This hallway also leads out into our garage. As I was putting on Alisa’s diaper and pajamas, I heard the alarm over our garage door beep. I thought nothing of it since I knew Trey was going in and out of the house, but I also wondered what Kate was doing. She should have been brushing her teeth by that point, but I assumed she had gotten sidetracked playing in her room, as she often does. 

Where Was God When...? (Part 2)

Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from me….”

It is the first line in a two-part prayer that has been known throughout history. Bearing the complete and desperate honesty of a Man who was experiencing absolute brokenness, this prayer reveals one who knew of the bitter cup from which He was about to drink. And like many similar prayers that have escaped the lips of others throughout the course of time, this agonizing part of His prayer was answered with silence. God said no.

Where Was God When...? (Part 1)

I have a friend from college that I write letters with — old-fashioned, pen-and-paper, “snail mail” letters. We could talk on the phone, but because of where he lives, letters are the most preferable and convenient method of communication for us. Plus, who doesn't love to get a letter in the mail? Our letters are pretty infrequent, but that’s more because of my crazy life with three small children than anything else.

Several years ago, my friend went through a very painful and personal season of suffering, one in which the effects are still being felt today in his life. Trey and I grieved with my friend and supported him as best we could as he walked that difficult road. For years to come, my friend will wake up each morning with the reminder of that season of suffering, and I wonder if that the reminder might never go away for him. I hope it does, though. In the most recent letter I received from my friend, he divulged to me that he has walked away from his faith in Jesus.