All in When God Says No

She Who Did Not Choose Life

Kara Holmes
When God Says No

This morning the sun is rising on a beautiful day. I see its golden rays just touching the trees in our backyard. Birds sing and crickets chirp around me as I sit on our porch, considering the beauty and peace of a new day of life. All the while, what I am writing about this morning stands in stark contrast to this day. It is dark and heavy and ugly, and it steals life from those who bear it. But stay with me until the end because just as the night was chased away by the rising of the sun this morning, so I pray will you find the night chased away in your soul as the light of the Son shines at the end of this post.

My heart wrenched this past week when I watched the videos of two different Planned Parenthood executives discuss the selling of fetus body parts. I was joined by millions of other Americans who watched in horror as the videos unfolded. Honestly, just the reality that these body parts are "recycled" and used at all is horrendous enough, whether or not someone pays for them. I think of our 15 week sonogram with my daughter. When my high risk doctor placed the wand on my abdomen, the screen immediately lit up with her tiny body, kicking and moving in my womb. I watched those perfect little legs moving in motion like she was riding a bicycle, and I was undone with love. Then, I imagine that tiny body being ripped apart or suctioned out or whatever "non-crunchy" method might be used to dismember her, and I cannot go on. It makes me weak in the knees and sick to my stomach. My heart cannot bear the thought of such an end to life.

For My Good

Kara Holmes
When God Says No
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

A few weeks ago, Trey and I journeyed with our moms to the high risk doctor's office, where we would receive a level 2 anatomy ultrasound and an echocardiogram of our daughter's heart. With all of the prayer we had focused on this day in the weeks prior, we were hopeful in the Lord for good news. We were hopeful for a perfect ultrasound that indicated that her body is doing just fine, like a baby who is free from any chromosome abnormality.

Though You Slay Me

Kara Holmes
When God Says No

I wish I could adequately express the emotions that might reside in my heart on any given day. Sometimes I sit to write, and I cannot choose where to start or which end to write about.

There is the overwhelming joy I have for my daughter, for the life I feel moving and kicking and growing in my womb; there is also the grief that rises up at times, coming out of nowhere like a thief in the night. There is the longing I have to hold my daughter, to see her face, to proudly show her to the world as the child God has entrusted to us; there is also the fear of what is to come, the unknown with all its guaranteed hard days and good days. I feel like a pendulum of emotions at times.

More Than I Can Bear

Kara Holmes
When God Says No

There is a lie floating around in our culture, surfacing its ugly head every now and then in various circumstances. Sometimes, it is proclaimed in the everyday things. Maybe it's the college student, overwhelmed with his full-time job, finals for six classes, and an upcoming graduation. In this stress-filled environment, you might hear this student say to himself, "I am so overwhelmed! But I know God wouldn't give me more than I can bear. I can do this!" Or maybe it's the young mother of four, swamped with dirty diapers, messy rooms, and sticky faces. At the end of the day and at the end of her ropes, she types a weary status on Facebook, to which a friend replies, "God has not given you more than you can bear. You can do this!"

For This Child I've Prayed

For This Child I've Prayed

Kara Holmes
When God Says No
"For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Ps. 139:13-14a

Several weeks ago, I wrote a post about the scariest prayer. Now that we are ready to share, I would like to give a little background on that post.

I would venture to say that most girls, as they grow up, dream of becoming mothers. I know that's not true of every girl, but I think it's safe to say that it's true for the majority of girls. It was true for me. Because I don't have time to go into all of the details of my journey toward becoming a mom, I will give you a condensed version. I will say this, though: while our journey of becoming parents hasn't been the easiest, I know that it hasn't been the hardest, either. We have dealt with infertility, but I know there are others who have had much greater struggles with infertility than us. This is our story...

The Scariest Prayer

Kara Holmes
Christianity, When God Says No

The funny thing about life is that it can be so unpredictable. The monotony and seeming predictability of things can trick us into getting comfortable, so that when that unexpected event arrives, we are completely taken off guard. Have you ever had one of those "I did not see that coming" experiences? More specifically, I'm talking about one of those devastating "I did not see that coming" experiences. You know the kind I am referring to here...a tragic diagnosis; a phone call with unimaginable news; a traumatic accident that changes the course of your life forever.

We will all face these times in our lives. You might have faced one recently, or, unbeknownst to you, one might be right around the corner of your life. As believers, we must decide how we will respond when those times come.